My first birth story (or how I ended up with twins) Part 1...

**Let me preface this by saying that this will be posted in a series so as not to bore the pants off of everyone. It's going to be a long story because I have to tell it from conception because the very beginning was hilarious. I promise.**

I moved six hours from home. I left behind my parents, my brothers, everyone I knew except one person, and moved to attend a college on the East Coast. This one person and I decided to start our family. I went off of birth control, made it through one cycle, and BAM! I got pregnant.

I couldn't have been pregnant for more than 3 weeks when I started getting sick. I couldn't even pee on a stick to confirm my suspicions by then, but I knew. I knew the first morning I was driving to class and started feeling gaggy. A few days later I pulled into the parking garage on the same trip to class and barfed out my window. (Then promptly backed out and found a new parking place. Heh.)

A few days later there we were staring at a test that had what has to be the faintest pink line I've ever seen indicating I was indeed pregnant. Again, a few days later we were looking at a definite line.

Less than two weeks after that I couldn't get my jeans to button without sucking it in and I was beginning what would be months and months of puking my guts out as soon as my eyes flew open in the mornings. (Morning sickness is God's way of making you pay for all that cynicism, I guess.)

I told my mom over the phone when I started feeling sick that I thought I was pregnant. She laughed and told me I was imagining things because I wanted to be pregnant so bad. When I confirmed it, she gave me the benefit of the doubt. Then my pants got too small way too fast and she told me to slow down on the doughnuts.

I was 10 weeks pregnant when we finally made it in for our first OB appointment. The hospital that I was examined in is a "teaching hospital" (which is code for Medical Students running around in hoards and probing anyone who will consent and hold still long enough).

We arrived, checked in, sat in the waiting room for what felt like forever, and were finally shown back to our little room with it's stirrup-ed table and uncomfortably cold room temp. As I stripped down and covered up with that little piece of fabric they call a lap cover (2 feet by 3 feet is NOT a lap cover, for the record), I started getting nervous. I was always nervous before this type of visit but this was an important one for me because I was going to get my first real doctor's confirmation that I was indeed going to be a mom.

The doctor and a med student came in. I was introduced and asked to sign a release agreeing to allow the student to perform a pelvic. They started off by having the doctor go first. She got a strange look on her face and asked me again when my last period was and when I thought I had gotten pregnant. She then had the student do their pelvic (which as a word of warning is not a good idea if you really have to pee because a med student is not going to gently press on your stomach). The med student looked at the doctor with a very funny look on her face. They excused themselves to discuss the results of the exam (which set off some serious alarm bells).

They didn't return for a good 20 to 25 minutes and when they finally came back, it was with a portable ultrasound. "We're just going to take a peek at what were looking at here before we make any statements.", says the doc. I freak out thinking some thing's wrong but she assures me that she doesn't think any thing's wrong, she just wants to confirm her suspicions.

So, I lay back, they squirt the cold goop on my lower abdomen and start wiggling the pad thingy around and that's when I see it...

"Why are there two bubbles on there?", I ask. "Nice catch, Momma.", says the doc. My mouth drops open. "Does that mean it's twins?" "Yes, it does.", she says almost giggly. I look back and forth between the screen and my guy and we both bust out laughing. The doc and the med student look at each other like they think we've lost our damn minds. "You realize this is your fault.", I tell him jokingly. The doc and the student scamper out of there as fast as they can because they think they're getting ready to see WW3 erupt.

As soon as they leave, we both got quiet and just sat staring at the tiny pictures I held in my hands of our babies. Complete shock would be an understatement. We had been joking a few days before about the number of twins on his side of the family (our set make either the 14th or 18th set, I can't remember which) and we were saying how we were probably going to have twins with as sick as I'd been.

They let me get dressed and had us return back to the waiting room so we could meet with a nutritionist. As soon as we hit the waiting room, my guy went outside to call his parents and I pulled out my phone to call my mom sitting in the waiting room because I wasn't so sure I was going to be able to stand for very long.

She answered the phone and the first words out of her mouth were, "Well, what did the doctor say?". I said, "Guess what?". (Paused.) "It's twins." She laughed and told me to quit fucking with her (we're pretty open like that). I said, "No seriously. It's twins." She said, "No seriously. Quit messing with me." I said, "Mom, it really is twins." She was quiet for a minute and then asked, "Are you suuuuure?" in that whiny I-don't-really-believe-you tone of voice. I said, "YES, MOM! I'm sitting here looking at the ultrasound picture and there are definitely two babies on there!".

She promptly lost her shit after that one. She instructed me to go straight home and take pictures of the ultrasound pics with my camera and email them to her (no camera phone). By this point, the people in the waiting room that were sitting around me were laughing their asses off at me trying to convince her that I was really having twins and a couple of people came over to congratulate me after I got off the phone with her. One girl in the waiting area was next to go back and looked at me and said, "I better not get that kind of news when I go back here." and had everyone laughing all over again.

We met with the nutritionist and then a bunch of other doctors who decided to transfer me to another hospital that was connected with a children's hospital nearby because they would have better equipment and would be better prepared if something were to go wrong, etc.

I went home and took pictures of my ultrasound pictures and emailed them to my mom, who went from breathless with excitement to crying in about 2.5 seconds. It was funny and heartbreaking all at the same time because I didn't have her there to celebrate with me. She was at work when I called her and ran around telling everyone in her office that I was having twins. She was so excited, she didn't even wait for me to send her the pictures.

I looked at my list of baby stuff we were going to need and started doing some editing. It was the first time I was really grateful I had bought an SUV the last time I traded cars.

A few short weeks later was my first appointment with my new OB and the first time I got to see a better close-up of my twins. It's a miracle of modern science that you can ear your babies' heartbeats before they are even here for you to lay your ear upon their chests. I was placed on an ultrasound schedule for once a month (awesomeness because of all the pictures and opportunities to see your little ones in utero!). I went in faithfully as instructed. The babies were monitored closely and measured at each visit.

That's when it happened...the size discrepancy. They measured quite a bit different from the previous month. More measurements were taken. Doctors were called in. Heart rates were watched for breathless minute after breathless minute. Lots of whispering and head nodding. I was moved up to an ultrasound every other week and told that this sometimes happens and not to get alarmed unless they began to see a problem.

To be continued...

Urge to create...

No, not that urge. I'm not looking to spawn again. *eye roll*

I want to create a space that really feels like home. I moved back in December but I haven't hung a picture yet. I've been waiting. I was waiting until I had new pictures of all my babies. Done. I was waiting until I had the money for some new frames. Done. Now I'm waiting until I can find the perfect picture ledges (which if you've never seen them, watch the movie My Super Ex-girlfriend. Her apartment in it has them on the walls. Sooo pretty! My house has all white walls like her apartment, which is what gave me the idea. Anywho...). I found them online, I just have to order them. Just as I was preparing to possibly get them and finally make my house look more like I actually live there, shit happened.

I won't go into details but I'll just say that my free money is all gone now and I'm thoroughly disappointed with the circumstances surrounding it.

So, it's back to square one. Do I suck it up and punch a bunch of holes in my pretty walls with nails to hang my pictures or try to find a cheaper way to make my own picture ledges?

Oh, well. Off to investigate prices for wood and see if I have any friends of friends who are carpenters, I guess.

In better news though, my babies' birthdays are coming up soon and I'm so looking forward to throwing them a party. I already bought their gifts before the poo hit the fan, so everything is ok there. I still need to get some decorations but I can blow up a ton of balloons and hang a few streamers and a Happy Birthday banner and they will be content to play with the balloons (one of the advantages of youth is the tendency to forget when mom has to go cheap for their party decorations, I hope). I'm looking forward to celebrating their birthdays because my little girl will be ONE (!) and my twin boys will be THREE (!!) and I forgot where I was going with that because I'm too busy sniffling because my babies are growing up... WWWWAAAAHHHHHHHH!

I'll be okay. Eventually. It's just that I can feel time slipping through my fingers and I feel guilty a lot here lately because I feel like I spend too much time cleaning, doing laundry, and rushing here and there that I don't spend enough time just sitting down and playing with them. (Hello there, Single-Mommy Guilt. Will you quit stalking me because, seriously, I don't know that I can take much more guilt right now, ok?)

Anywho, I'll be back soon with some more upbeat stuff, I swear. I'm actually working on my babies' birth stories (which are good because I got these cute babies and all but, OH MAN, the stress. I still think I have PTSD from the first year of their lives.) So, everyone take care, hug your loved ones, quit picking your nose and have a great week!

My first creation…

A mother. The very first thing I created in this world was a mother. My mother.

The moment I was born, I made my mom a mom.

I think that was one of my best creations. It ranks right up there with my children, who made me a mom as their first creations, too.

You’ve been an inspiration, a call to action, and a quiet anchor in my stormy sea.

It’s your birthday today. I will be a true lady and not reveal your age (though I’m dying to).

I just wanted to let you know how wonderful you are, how you make everything better, and how much you are loved by me, my brothers, and the many others who frequent your inner circle.

I love you bunches and I hope this one is the best birthday yet!

One of your greatest creations (*snort*, you know you love me),

Babygirl

Thirst for knowledge

Why?

I can't wait to hear that. I can't wait until my children start asking me that one word little question.

I know to some parents that have heard that word a million and one times (just today), that my desire to hear it asked may seem crazy. Why would you want to be asked the same thing all the time? They think I have no clue what I'm asking for.

But I do. I know exactly what I'm asking for. I'm asking for my kids to want to learn. I'm asking for my sweet babies to look at the world and wonder about EVERYTHING. I want them to ask me about it all. I want them to feel comfortable asking me anything.

If I tell them something, I don't want them to take it as the "be all, end all". I don't want them to take any one's word for fact. I want them to want to know if it's true or not.

Why is the sky blue? Why is the grass green? Why does an atom bomb go boom? Why do people cry? Why do they laugh?

Not just the whys but the whats and the whos and the wheres and the whens and even the hows. Ask of me anything and I will try my best to give you an answer. If I can't find it, I'll help you find it.

Brilliant discoveries weren't all made by accident. There was some curious little boy or girl who grew into a curious man or woman that wanted answers. I want my kids to never stop asking. Never stop wondering.

I want to watch my world grow with them. I want to be right by their sides when they are learning it all because deep down inside, I'm still that curious little girl asking my mommy "Why?". And you know what, she still tries to answer all my questions, too.