Love isn't enough...
when it means staying and putting up with the verbal abuse. Being belittled and cursed constantly by someone who is supposed to love you isn't how love is supposed to feel.
when its only one-sided. No matter how much you love someone, if they don't reciprocate, it's not enough.
when it gets violent. NO ONE HAS THE RIGHT TO HIT YOU. NO ONE.
when it doesn't feel right. Loving someone should be easy. If you have to force yourself to like a person, it isn't love.
when it hurts. The saying there can't be pleasure without pain is WRONG.
when they make you cry. Someone who loves you won't make you cry unless they're tears of joy.
when they endanger you or those that you care about. Someone who is willing to take serious risks with your body, your mind or your life doesn't love you. If they are willing to take these same risks with others, they are a danger and you need to get away from them quickly.
when they keep you isolated. Someone who loves you won't keep you away from everyone else. They will want to share you with the world because they want the world to see how beautifully you shine.
when you have to hide bruises, scratches, abrasions, burns, or any other form of damage. See the above about NO ONE having the right to hit you.
when they scare you. If you are afraid of the person you are with, seek help. Call the police. See a counselor. Find a shelter. GET HELP. There are people out there who would do anything to ensure your safety. Seek those people out because they are your greatest resources.
I wrote this today because I would like to draw attention to http://violenceunsilenced.com/.
This website is dedicated to "shedding light on the epidemic of domestic violence and sexual assault by giving its survivors a voice". Go there now. Support the survivors of abuse. Help them stand strong.
I'm a survivor myself.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Wednesday, June 23, 2010
Parenting for Two
When I separated from my husband, I didn't really know what awaited me.
I knew there would be financial difficulties, and there have been. I knew there would be lonely nights, and there have been. I knew there would be arguments, and there have been.
What I didn't know was that I can parent for two.
I can be the mom. The warm, soft hands that mend wounds and rub cheeks. The cushy lap that bounces almost endlessly. The proud smile when presented with the latest work of art. The laugh that echos through the house when they've gotten me tickled at their latest antics. I can be the one they call to in the middle of the night. The one who makes the grocery run with three kids in tow. The one who gives them a drink when they're thirsty and cooks their meals. The one who washes their clothes and picks out the cutest outfits I can find each and every day. I can do these things with my eyes closed.
I can also be the dad. The roaring dinosaur that chases them through the house. The horsey when they're climbing up on my back for another ride. The wrestler who hoists them up and pretends to toss them around the room (while never letting them go). The one with the screwdriver in hand, tightening things and installing door knobs (who knew?!?). I can be the killer of spiders (barely...ick!) and the scooper of dirt. The deep voice (sorta) when I'm imitating Buzz Lightyear. Their protector. Their shield. Their savior. Their strength.
I'm parenting for two with only one me. One Me.
Sometimes I feel kinda like a badass. (Just don't tell the spiders...they'll all come after me.)
I knew there would be financial difficulties, and there have been. I knew there would be lonely nights, and there have been. I knew there would be arguments, and there have been.
What I didn't know was that I can parent for two.
I can be the mom. The warm, soft hands that mend wounds and rub cheeks. The cushy lap that bounces almost endlessly. The proud smile when presented with the latest work of art. The laugh that echos through the house when they've gotten me tickled at their latest antics. I can be the one they call to in the middle of the night. The one who makes the grocery run with three kids in tow. The one who gives them a drink when they're thirsty and cooks their meals. The one who washes their clothes and picks out the cutest outfits I can find each and every day. I can do these things with my eyes closed.
I can also be the dad. The roaring dinosaur that chases them through the house. The horsey when they're climbing up on my back for another ride. The wrestler who hoists them up and pretends to toss them around the room (while never letting them go). The one with the screwdriver in hand, tightening things and installing door knobs (who knew?!?). I can be the killer of spiders (barely...ick!) and the scooper of dirt. The deep voice (sorta) when I'm imitating Buzz Lightyear. Their protector. Their shield. Their savior. Their strength.
I'm parenting for two with only one me. One Me.
Sometimes I feel kinda like a badass. (Just don't tell the spiders...they'll all come after me.)
Thursday, June 17, 2010
What Motherhood has Taught Me - Second Edition
I've learned...
that no matter how many times I ask my kids to try a bite of a new food, they will only do it the minute my attention is elsewhere (followed by either mmmmm or some spitting).
a sippy cup left in a toy box or behind furniture should be immediately thrown away, especially if it contained milk. DO NOT OPEN IT!! *gag*
that a breastfed baby will be a pain in the ass about sippy cups. It has to be specific and only turned a certain way, and it better not smell like something other than what she's getting out of her favorite bewbs or OMG! Apocalypse! And then one day...she'll start drinking out of anything she finds laying around. *head explodes*
that twins will sympathy cry even when they're laughing at each other. Have you ever seen a kid cry and point and laugh all at the same time? Eerie. (Like Children of the Corn kind of eerie.)
that when you get your bewb bitten by a teething baby, DON'T YELL! You either get a feeding strike or you get bit again just for fun. (Kids are pains sometimes...)
that people pay more attention to how you dress twins that they do their own wardrobes. I mean, seriously, since when did it matter if their outfits matched every day or not? They aren't identical. Don't expect them to start some kind of show for your entertainment. They're kids. Half the time they don't even pay attention to each other, why would they start doing amazing things just for strangers?
that you can get really annoyed with listening to people whine about chasing one child around when you've got 3 going in different directions all while you are standing there having the conversation where they're whining to you about how hard it is to watch little Billy* when he always takes off the minute they sit him down. Do you not see the 3 little kids climbing all over me while I'm standing/stooping/falling over/bending/tripping here talking to you?
that people will stand directly in your way on purpose so they can hold you hostage in public places so they can ask you overly personal questions about your kids when you're in a hurry to just get your shopping done and get the little cuties home.
I will giggle out loud in restaurants when one of my boys farts and proclaims it to the entire crowd but I will turn red as a beet when they tattle on me for trying to sneak one out.
I have an unlimited amount of energy to pet a sick child's hair and coo in their ears but I can only chase them out of my Tupperware cabinet about 4 times before I finally give up and let them drag every single bowl and lid out again.
my butt has more nerve endings than I thought it did. Have you ever been bit on the ass? It hurts like hell!
my mom can't stand to be on the phone with me when one or more of my kids are crying in the background. She apparently got a big enough dose of that shit when she raised me and my two younger brothers. ;-)
my children are prone to getting sick. As in almost every week at least one of them is sick. I need more leave time at work because I am the only one available to get them when they get sick and it ain't easy.
twins come with their own special set of rules. They won't let anyone mess with each other but they will torture each other mercilessly. They will both cry when one of them gets fussed on unless the one getting fussed on hurt the other one. Then there will be more tears because OMG! He hit me!
I love my children more than the air I breathe.
More to come as I learn even more day by day.
*not his real name. I don't know anyone with a child named Billy, I promise.
that no matter how many times I ask my kids to try a bite of a new food, they will only do it the minute my attention is elsewhere (followed by either mmmmm or some spitting).
a sippy cup left in a toy box or behind furniture should be immediately thrown away, especially if it contained milk. DO NOT OPEN IT!! *gag*
that a breastfed baby will be a pain in the ass about sippy cups. It has to be specific and only turned a certain way, and it better not smell like something other than what she's getting out of her favorite bewbs or OMG! Apocalypse! And then one day...she'll start drinking out of anything she finds laying around. *head explodes*
that twins will sympathy cry even when they're laughing at each other. Have you ever seen a kid cry and point and laugh all at the same time? Eerie. (Like Children of the Corn kind of eerie.)
that when you get your bewb bitten by a teething baby, DON'T YELL! You either get a feeding strike or you get bit again just for fun. (Kids are pains sometimes...)
that people pay more attention to how you dress twins that they do their own wardrobes. I mean, seriously, since when did it matter if their outfits matched every day or not? They aren't identical. Don't expect them to start some kind of show for your entertainment. They're kids. Half the time they don't even pay attention to each other, why would they start doing amazing things just for strangers?
that you can get really annoyed with listening to people whine about chasing one child around when you've got 3 going in different directions all while you are standing there having the conversation where they're whining to you about how hard it is to watch little Billy* when he always takes off the minute they sit him down. Do you not see the 3 little kids climbing all over me while I'm standing/stooping/falling over/bending/tripping here talking to you?
that people will stand directly in your way on purpose so they can hold you hostage in public places so they can ask you overly personal questions about your kids when you're in a hurry to just get your shopping done and get the little cuties home.
I will giggle out loud in restaurants when one of my boys farts and proclaims it to the entire crowd but I will turn red as a beet when they tattle on me for trying to sneak one out.
I have an unlimited amount of energy to pet a sick child's hair and coo in their ears but I can only chase them out of my Tupperware cabinet about 4 times before I finally give up and let them drag every single bowl and lid out again.
my butt has more nerve endings than I thought it did. Have you ever been bit on the ass? It hurts like hell!
my mom can't stand to be on the phone with me when one or more of my kids are crying in the background. She apparently got a big enough dose of that shit when she raised me and my two younger brothers. ;-)
my children are prone to getting sick. As in almost every week at least one of them is sick. I need more leave time at work because I am the only one available to get them when they get sick and it ain't easy.
twins come with their own special set of rules. They won't let anyone mess with each other but they will torture each other mercilessly. They will both cry when one of them gets fussed on unless the one getting fussed on hurt the other one. Then there will be more tears because OMG! He hit me!
I love my children more than the air I breathe.
More to come as I learn even more day by day.
*not his real name. I don't know anyone with a child named Billy, I promise.
Friday, June 11, 2010
On alligators and ex's...
Sorry I've been kinda absent lately but I feel like I've been up to my ass in alligators and more just keep showing up.
Work is making my life miserable (when doesn't it make everyone miserable?).
My baby girl is walking now and keeping me on my toes.
My boys are talking up a storm and asking me more questions than I have answers to or interpreters to understand.
I'm feeling rather frustrated right now because I feel like I've gotten myself hemmed in a corner.
I get up. I get ready. I wake my babies up. I get them ready. I take them to daycare. I go to work. I go to lunch. I go back to work. I pick my babies up from daycare. We go home. I fix dinner. We eat. I clean up. I strip and bathe the babies. Sometimes there's some laundry or housecleaning thrown somewhere in there during the week. I crash and burn for the night and wake up the next morning to wash, rinse, repeat the whole damn cycle.
If I do anything outside of that routine, its dinner at my Mom's house or a trip to the grocery store.
Things are starting to suck.
On the weekends, I try to cram as much stuff into two days as I possibly can. Cleaning the entire house (which I never seem to be able to finish), any trips outside of my own four walls or the county borders (and I don't mean anything vacation-like in its description either), trying to sleep in (which we might as well say isn't happening with small kids in the house, if I make it until 8 am I think I've hit the lottery), an afternoon out (which is code for a trip to my Mom's house since she's the only person that can tolerate me and my kids for more than 30 minutes and sometimes that's pushing it).
All this to say that things right now are B-O-R-I-N-G. I want some excitement in my life. I also want some money so I can afford to have some excitement in my life (thank you a-hole ex for not paying your child support and leaving me scrambling to cover the car seat purchase, groceries, and diapers. You officially ruined my summer, you jerk. Oh, and thank you for taking the boys clothes and keeping them at your house so I now have to find shirts to match their outfits again, lousy bastard.)
So, if there are any millionaires out there who feel like hooking a single mommy up with an impromptu vacation to somewhere tropical that comes with extra people to help you keep your 3 small kids from drowning in the clear blue water or eating the nice sand, feel free to contact me. I'll even try to find a swimsuit that covers my stretch marks so I won't scar you for life!
*smooches and prom queen waves to all my loyal fans* I'll try to come up with something more upbeat when I can pry my head out of my ass and quit dredging through all the shit.
Work is making my life miserable (when doesn't it make everyone miserable?).
My baby girl is walking now and keeping me on my toes.
My boys are talking up a storm and asking me more questions than I have answers to or interpreters to understand.
I'm feeling rather frustrated right now because I feel like I've gotten myself hemmed in a corner.
I get up. I get ready. I wake my babies up. I get them ready. I take them to daycare. I go to work. I go to lunch. I go back to work. I pick my babies up from daycare. We go home. I fix dinner. We eat. I clean up. I strip and bathe the babies. Sometimes there's some laundry or housecleaning thrown somewhere in there during the week. I crash and burn for the night and wake up the next morning to wash, rinse, repeat the whole damn cycle.
If I do anything outside of that routine, its dinner at my Mom's house or a trip to the grocery store.
Things are starting to suck.
On the weekends, I try to cram as much stuff into two days as I possibly can. Cleaning the entire house (which I never seem to be able to finish), any trips outside of my own four walls or the county borders (and I don't mean anything vacation-like in its description either), trying to sleep in (which we might as well say isn't happening with small kids in the house, if I make it until 8 am I think I've hit the lottery), an afternoon out (which is code for a trip to my Mom's house since she's the only person that can tolerate me and my kids for more than 30 minutes and sometimes that's pushing it).
All this to say that things right now are B-O-R-I-N-G. I want some excitement in my life. I also want some money so I can afford to have some excitement in my life (thank you a-hole ex for not paying your child support and leaving me scrambling to cover the car seat purchase, groceries, and diapers. You officially ruined my summer, you jerk. Oh, and thank you for taking the boys clothes and keeping them at your house so I now have to find shirts to match their outfits again, lousy bastard.)
So, if there are any millionaires out there who feel like hooking a single mommy up with an impromptu vacation to somewhere tropical that comes with extra people to help you keep your 3 small kids from drowning in the clear blue water or eating the nice sand, feel free to contact me. I'll even try to find a swimsuit that covers my stretch marks so I won't scar you for life!
*smooches and prom queen waves to all my loyal fans* I'll try to come up with something more upbeat when I can pry my head out of my ass and quit dredging through all the shit.
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