Strangers with Round Bellies Make Me Think

Pregnant bellies are a commonplace thing where I live and work. I see many women on an almost weekly basis that are expecting. Some I know, some I don't. Some that don't even see me.

I often ask myself, "Do they know? Do they even begin to know?".

Do they know the love they will feel/may already feel for this little life that they carry?
Do any of them know the pure terror that you can feel when thinking something could go wrong?
Do they know yet that they would fight to the death for their child/children?
Do they know the feeling where your breath catches in your chest the first time you hear that small, galloping heartbeat through the speaker?

Do they lay still as the night sky, hands pressed to their bellies, in the darkest part of the night and feel their baby moving just under their heart?
Do they even comprehend how powerful this bond between mother and child really is?
Do they get it yet?

I know I did.

The things he's missing...

her first steps.
her first words.
her first time sitting on the potty.
her hugs after she got her immunizations.
her soft sighs in the middle of the night after a belly full of breast milk.
her musical laughter.
her sweet smile.
her head on your shoulder with her hair tickling your neck.
seeing her hug her teddy bears and give kisses to her mommy.
the first time she ate a banana.
the sparkle in her eyes when she's getting ready to run from you.
the pats on the back when you pick her up and her small hands in your hair.

his excited descriptions of things he likes.
his ever expanding vocabulary.
his love of macaroni and cheese.
his game of peek-a-boo over his covers at night as I try to give him goodnight kisses when I tuck him in.
his amazement with hair clippers when he gets his hair cut.
his bossiness.
his need for structure.
his growth spurts.
seeing him hug his stuffed puppy.
his sneaky way of edging closer to the grass when you tell him not to go off of the carport deck.
his love of running free through the grass when he's turned loose in the yard.
his dislike of dirty hands and how he always asks for a washrag after he's done eating.
his announcements of "I'm done." as soon as you sit him on the potty even though he hasn't gone at all.

his demands for "You give me hugs." said seriously with his arms wide open.
the way he repeats what I tell him every time I get those hugs in the sweetest way.
his love of being the comedian and making you laugh.
his giggles when you cross your eyes at him.
how he pats your back when you pick him up.
how he tells everyone he meets how much he likes their hair or their shirt or their shoes and asks them if they like his, too.
how he is so friendly that he will hug complete strangers if they have a kid with them.
his bashfulness around doctors.
his mean stare when you fuss on him.
his attitude and his love of snuggling that often conflict with each other.
how he pats his belly after he finishes eating and its all pooched out.
how he burps or farts and then giggles like crazy.

He's missing the most beautiful things about them.

Will I be here for it all?

I wonder what they'll say?

I wonder what my daughter will say when she gets big enough to start questioning me about my tattoos.

I wonder what my son will say when he gets big enough to start asking why he doesn't get to see his dad everyday.

I wonder what my other son will say when he gets big enough to start wondering where things come from.

I wonder if my kids will look back at pictures of us and see that I really am happy. With them. Just them and me.

I wonder if my little Screech will always be so quick to tell me how he really feels.

I wonder if his brother Noggin will ever start telling me how he feels.

I wonder if my Grabby will ever have to tell me how she feels because her emotions are written so plainly across her face.

Will I see my babies all dressed up to go to prom?

Will I see each of my children graduate from high school?

Will I see my daughter walk down the aisle in a beautiful white dress? Her brother's wait nervously beside their best men for their brides to come down the aisle?

Will I see them have children of their own?

Will I see them all gathered around me during my final hours?

There's so much left to be seen. Will I be here for it all?

I fell off my soapbox...

Well, well...would you look at that? Someone left a soapbox under my feet and I didn't even notice it. :)

I've been pretty serious here lately, haven't I? Where's my funny? Oh, that's right. I never had any to begin with. *eye roll* The only person who thinks I'm funny is my mom and that's only because she's usually laughing at something I've done that brought karma back in full force. (Remind me to thank my dad for telling me that he hoped I'd have kids just like me...)

Did you know that little boys think there is nothing funnier than farting in the bathtub? They will laugh at that like its the single greatest comedic feat since the pie-in-the-face days. Then they will strain to fart some more so they can laugh even more. Do you know what happens when they strain to fart ONE MORE TIME...they shit in your bathtub. Dammit.

Did you know that if your kids have never been around a dog that is taking a dump, they will try to play with the fresh pile o' poo as soon as the dog moves it ass out of the way? It leads to lots of hand washing and sanitizer spraying and gagging...

Why in the hell am I so obsessed with poo today, anyways?? *smacks my brain around*

That's better. Where was I?

Oh, yeah. I fell off my soapbox. I have been raving so passionately about things lately that I forgot what I usually do on this here blog of mine (I heard you whisper "Bitch and moan." BTW, and all I have to say to that is "Waaaaahhhhh!!!".)

I'm not going to do that today. Today, I'm all rainbows and sunshine and unicorn horns sticking out of my ass. Oh, well maybe not that last one. That would be painful.

Does anyone besides me wish every car was made with an iPod plug so you can play your mix of fun, festive tunes (crazy sex songs) in everyone else's car? Yeah, I knew I couldn't be the only one with a mix of catchy, peppy songs (bump and grind rap music) that they like to hear all the time.

So, anywho. I'm done with the randomness that is my typing today. I hope everyone has a wild, wonderful Wednesday! *smooches and prom queen waves*

How I hold my tongue...

Hint: Sometimes its very tightly between my teeth. :)

My mom made the comment to me that she's glad I waited have kids until I was a little older. She said it has made me a more patient mother.

She hears me try to soothe away their problems rather than scream them into silence or completely ignore them.

Would you like to know my secret? Its the only thing that has saved my sanity even though I'm sure to some it is going to sound like a paranoid parenting method.

I pretend that someone is watching me parent. Even when I'm by myself with my kids, behind my own closed windows and doors. I stop and I think, "Okay. How is this going to look to someone watching me from a distance or hearing me from a few feet away?"

It makes me more aware of what I'm doing. Am I saying something or behaving in a way that would make me be ashamed? Am I doing something that someone would think was mean or even cruel? How would I feel if I saw someone doing the same thing across the room? Would I be embarrassed to have a stranger hear what I just said?

It's that simple. I know there are different parenting books out there that talk about self-esteem building and being a parent and not a friend to your kids. I know all about the millions of ways that we have all been affected by how our own parents raised us. I also know that sometimes what I think is an okay behavior, may not be cool with someone else. I try to judge based on the moment and I try really hard not to act out in anger.

I'll be honest and say that there have been more times than I'd like to admit when I have lost my cool and said things I've had to apologize for later. I do apologize when I'm wrong though.

I'm just one person and I have my flaws. Humans are flawed just by our general nature.

One of my many tweeps, Julie Matlin at @jmatlin, put up this post about how she finds dealing with her kids at bedtime hard and how she loses her temper with them sometimes. I completely understand. There are nights when I just want to toss mine under the covers and pretend they're invisible so I can go to bed and try again the next day. I just try to remember that I hate to have someone fuss at me before I go to bed because I don't sleep well and I don't wake up happy the next morning either.

So, there's my little trick that somewhat helps me hold my tongue when I feel like lashing out. I hope it helps some of my mamas out there who struggle to hold it all together some days, too.

*warm wishes for many good night's sleep, fierce hugs, loud laughter, and peaceful quiet moments to all the parents young and old*

I'm breastfeeding a toddler (and I don't care if you don't like it)...

My girl. She's 15 months old now. She walks. She runs. She crawls. She says, "Puppy!" and "Moooommmmmmmmmmyyyyyyyy!". She's also still breastfeeding.

I've heard it from both ends. Wean her after her first birthday. Wean her before her first birthday. Wean her today because OMG! Your freakin' boob is out!

I've also heard this from the World Health Organization and this from the American Academy of Pediatrics.

I'm not a dumb girl. I know the benefits that my child gains from breastfeeding. I have seen it with my own eyes. She doesn't get sick nearly as bad or as often as my twins (this could be related to the breastfeeding or to the fact that they were 10 weeks early but she was 3 weeks and one day early herself). My breast milk has been about the only thing that made her feel better when she's been sick. She is peaceful and content when feeding (usually, unless there is something she's just dying to see but she won't let go of my nipple to look at it. Neither one of us ends up too happy with that situation.).

I don't have any problems feeding her in public places. She has nursed in restaurants as I've been eating my own dinner. She has nursed in malls, state parks, houses of friends and family, and in my car between stores when running errands (but never while I'm moving, always parked. No crazy maneuvers over here.). I've nursed her in almost every room of my home.

She has nursed sideways, in a football hold, while I'm walking through Sam's Club, from her car seat when we haven't been able to get stopped quickly enough to suit her wants, in her diaper, in her Easter dress, and always wrapped in my arms.

I enjoy breastfeeding. It's convenient (no bottles!). It's comforting (she likes the snuggle time and I do, too). It's healthy for her (antibodies and custom made nutrition!) and for me (lowered chances of having breast cancer, help with losing weight, and it forces me to rest instead of running myself ragged).

I get annoyed when I see yet another story of a celebrity bashing breastfeeding. The women who are in the spotlight and have a golden opportunity to shed light on the wonders and benefits of breastfeeding. These women who have the attention of many various media outlets and should be showing support for breastfeeding, who instead are sending out random tweets about being grossed out by other women doing something that our bodies were meant to do.

I won't step on my soapbox today though because I'm here to lend my support to a good cause. The July 2010 Carnival of Nursing in Public hosted by nursingfreedom.org.

I'm here to say I'm here, ladies. All you ladies out there who are breastfeeding behind covers because others have made you feel uncomfortable. All you ladies who have been asked to go to the restroom to nurse (don't even get me started on how disgusting that truly is). All you ladies who are struggling through those first few weeks when you are learning how to latch, how many pads you really do need for your bra, and how often your little newborn will want to eat. I'm here.

I'm listening. I'm supporting. I'm being proud to be amongst the ranks of mothers who have breastfed their little ones, no matter if it was only for one minute.

I don't want anyone to feel as though I'm leaving you out because those of you who couldn't breastfeed your babies for medical or personal reasons, I support you, too. You are still feeding your babies and helping them to grow into healthy, happy adults. Breastfeeding is a personal decision that every mother must make on her own.

I just want mothers out there to know that for every person who gives you the stink eye for breastfeeding in public, there are just as many of us who are smiling in your direction, too. Keep your head up and your little ones close to your hearts because we support you. *fistbump to all my breastfeeding ladies out there* I've got your back!

**I'd like to send a quick shout out to my inspiration for this post,
Hobo Mama. Little mama, you have helped me and countless others see breastfeeding in such a beautiful light. Keep up the good work!